beatonna:

HALLOWEEN QUIZ

1.  How can you tell if the unknown party guest is the Devil?
- He has cloven feet
- He turned the television on to MTV (grandma was right!)
- He’s all like “hey baby, I’m burnin’ up here cause you’re so hot and I’m Satan”
- He’s checking out your copy of the Malleus Maleficarum all casual like it’s not weird

2.  Who was Jack the Ripper, really?
- The Earl of Toffee, heir to Her Majesty’s cabbages
- Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the lead pipe
- Moriarty, damn his eyes! He’s the Napoleon of crime!
- El Chupacabra

3.  How can I tell thou art a witch?
- For thou hast cavorted with Satan in a sexy way
- Because I could really use thy farmland if thou happened to be a witch
- For the milk has gone sour and I understand science not
- For thou won’t consent to a simple drowning test, the premise “offends thy good sense”

4.  Before Jack o’ Lanterns, Celtic cultures used:
- The carved heads of your enemies
- Bog sacrifice of your enemies
- Oatmeal in the shape of a face (of your enemies)
- Jack o’ turnips

5.  Which Malevolent Old Woman Spirit from Japan is the scariest?
- Cackling old woman
- Old woman bleeding from the eyes
- Floating head of weeping old woman
- Old woman inquiring about your marital status

6.  What is the only thing that can kill a werewolf?
- Silver bulletin
- Strychnine
- Rock n’ roll
- Pile driver

7.  Should we pick up this spectral hitchhiker?
- Only if he will share his weed
- No way, they’re jerks! You give them a ride and then they vanish without saying thanks
- Only if they’re doing that thing where you stick your leg out
- I don’t trust those spectral hitchhikers, they’re all the same, but I’m not racist or anything

8.  Trick or:
- Treacle
- Train
- Tits
- El Chupacabra

9.  If you say “Bloody Mary” three times, what will you see in the mirror?
- The Virgin Mary (this answer is blasphemous, circle only if you are willing to go to confession immediately)
- “Bawdy Mary?” this spell is broken
- A bartender who heard you the first time
- A scorching hot hag (if you’re into hags)

10. What do the zombies want?
- Brains
- Brians

Please circle your answers in blood (obviously) and submit your papers via séance

Notes

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    Score

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    Halloween any more,...take the whole quiz.

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    It’s not Halloween, but hey

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    this is so funny I’m crying.

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